Weighing Heavy on my mind

Yeah, you guessed it, it's my weight. I would say about 75% of the time my weight is foremost in my mind. Has been forever. Show me a picture of myself, and I can tell you within a few pounds how much I weighed in it. Geesh, what does that say?
January brought new resolutions to finally deal with this issue. Have a plan and tell myself I'm stickin to it. And for the most part I have. I have eaten 20+ plus salads, and eaten countless grams of fiber. always have a bottle of water by my side, and know where all the bathrooms are too! Hey, I even am learning how to be hungry!! For me that's a big one, (no pun intended) cuz most times I eat so I don't feel hungry, just because I've never learned to wait to eat.
I have several good supplements I take, and use some essential oils that I read will benefit my plan. Exercise, pfft, sometimes. I guess that's a weak spot, and if I could learn to embrace and love to sweat, then the numbers would go down faster. Hey, who wants to hug a video anyway? I will be all ready to workout, from my shoes to having the step out in front of the tv, and then will talk myself out of it! Then you have the following guilt that goes with bailing, and perhaps a binge follows. Oh yes, I am Very good at the guilt trips and beating myself up for things, probably goes hand in hand with why I'm obese.
Then we have, The Scale. Yes, capital letters, cuz it's an entity unto itself. Oh what power a simple thing can have! It has the ability to predict what type of day I will have! Almost like someone who is bi polar. Numbers down? I'm on cloud nine, and everybody else better be too! One degree forward? My world comes crashing down, and I'm ready to duct tape my mouth shut. What, you say, get rid of the thing? (shudder) No way, that is my reward for not eating the candy bar, or giving up my beers on the weekend, or for actually hauling my enormous behind up out of the chair to sweat. Problem is, I believe it should be instant results, instead of being reasonable and giving my body time to release the weight in a sane manner.
By now you probably figured out, the numbers weren't what I expected this morning. I am really trying to be rational and practical about this, you should hear the conversation going thru my mind, it sounds like Oprah, or Dr. Phil. Time will tell if it helps. For now I Will do my step video and still make good food choices today. Then we will see what tomorrow brings. It will be my end of the month weigh in.

Fran (who really wants bacon and eggs, hash browns, biscuits & gravy for breakfast)